The best-selling author of The Dance of Anger looks at how fear--and other such uncomfortable emotions as shame and anxiety--becomes a key factor in shaping our lives in a negative fashion and explains how to overcome fear to accomplish our best in love, work, and life. Originally published as Fear and Other Uninvited Guests. Reprint. 50,000 first printing. Unhappiness, says bestselling author Harriet Lerner, is fueled by three key emotions: anxiety, fear, and shame. They are the uninvited guests in our lives. When tragedy or hardship hits, they may become our constant companions. Anxiety can wash over us like a tidal wave or operate as a silent thrum under the surface of our daily lives. With stories that are sometimes hilarious and sometimes heartbreaking, Lerner takes us from "fear lite" to the most difficult lessons the universe sends us. We learn: how a man was "cured in a day" of the fear of rejection -- and what we can learn from his story how the author overcame her dread of public speaking when her worst fears were realized how to deal with the fear of not being good enough, and with the shame of feeling essentially flawed and inadequate how to stay calm and clear in an anxious, crazy workplace how to manage fear and despair when life sends a crash course in illness, vulnerability, and loss how "positive thinking" helps -- and harms how to be our best and bravest selves, even when we are terrified and have internalized the shaming messages of others No one signs up for anxiety, fear, and shame, but we can't avoid them either. As we learn to respond to these three key emotions in new ways, we can live more fully in the present and move into the future with courage, clarity, humor, and hope. Fear and Other Uninvited Guests shows us how. Acknowledgments xi Why Can't a Person Be More Like a Cat? 1(13) The Fear of Rejection: A One-Day Cure 14(13) Terrified? You Have to Keep Showing Up! 27(12) In Praise of Anxiety: How Fear and Trembling Keep You Safe 39(14) The Trouble with Anxiety: How It Wreaks Havoc on Your Brain and Self-Esteem 53(20) Why We Fear Change 73(19) Your Anxious Workplace: Staying Calm and Clearheaded in a Crazy Environment 92(25) The Secret Power of Shame 117(24) The Fear of the Mirror: Anxiety and Shame About Your Looks---and Being Looked At 141(30) When Things Fall Apart: Facing Illness and Suffering 171(25) Courage in the Face of Fear 196(25) Epilogue: Everyone Freaks Out 221(4) Notes 225(6) Index 231